Top 10 Advantages to Being a Solo Artist

Number 10: It’s so much nicer to be able to get to sleep at a decent hour on Friday nights.

Number 9: You don’t have to deal with that one guy who insists that his confusing and non-traditionally notated string of prime numbers is a “song” when the need for original material keeps being mentioned.

Number 8: Drum machines will play what you tell them to play in time, every time, as long as they’re plugged in. Drum machines are always sober and focused. Drum machines will never show up to band practice and ask if anyone wants to do shrooms or molly. Drum machines don’t need a click track, and will never get offended if you suggest playing to one. Drum machines will never loudly proclaim “We can be the next Holy Fuck!” before asking you to trigger a 4-bar MIDI sequence in Ableton to play along to and proceed to drift off the sequence by the the end of the third bar. Drum machines will never call that violent rhythmic inconsistency “swing”. I could probably come up with an entire Top 10 list about why drum machines have the potential to be better than most drummers, but I digress.

Number 7: Your vision is yours, and will never be second-guessed by anyone.

Number 6: You don’t have to share close quarters with coronavirus deniers who don’t wear masks and insist that wild mushroom tinctures, colloidal silver solution, and dirty sea water are the key to surviving a pandemic.

Number 5: If you happen to be an egomaniac, you don’t have to worry about anyone else in the band calling you out on it. You can keep it in check if you choose to.

Number 4: You don’t have to lug your gear back and forth.

Number 3: You don’t have to worry about finding your pedals at pawn shops.

Number 2: You can sound like whatever the fuck you want.

Number 1: All of the credit and blame is yours and yours alone.

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